Monday, June 13, 2005

Why Should You Listen To Todd and Camille?


TOPIC: Why Should You Listen To Todd and Camille?

I don't know.

DAY 43: Looking for and finding some real support is essential today if we expect the success we are aiming for. We define real support as places, people and ideas or books, programs or anything that is going the same way you are, on a journey to living life crack-cocaine free. Support is what we need to maintain the process of eliminating the possession of crack-cocaine. We do need to prepare for tomorrow. We do not need to worry because if we are doing and getting all that we are supposed to be getting and doing, then tomorrow will only mean we are ready and that day could be the one day when it IS finally getting better and we start to feel that we are going to be alright.

Scripture for Day 43: ~ Proverbs 28:19 ~
19 He who tills his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits will have plenty of poverty.

Quip of the day for Day 43: Development of character involves replacing our pride with patience.

Belief #5: We believe we do not know everything about crack-cocaine, but we know enough.

Last week's show exposed some of Todd's crackhell episodes. Todd was willing to let his Aunt and Uncle tell what is what like from their point of view regarding a real crack-episode. Why would Todd do this? To sensationalize crack? Maybe to put himself out there so someone can see the importance of exposing crackcocaine!
Email letters:
#1: I have recently been very active on your site and I would love to say thank you for taking your time to get this message out. I have found the "crack dont's" very helpful (and if you still have the whole list I would love to see it). I really like your idea of offering any side possible, I even enjoy your crack jokes. Again....thanks P.S. This message is meant for both of you. I simply picked the first addy and assumed you didn't want to read the same email twice.

#2: Hey Tod this is bryan i spoke with u a while ago when the time wasn't really good. Now things are really bad i have lost everything i have hit rock bottom lost my truck, friends. and and starting to lose my family i don't know what do do now. I need some help because if i don't my life will be no more i think. so plz if and when u get this plz call me i really need ur support and awareness on this cause i am losing fast. well i better let u go for now i hope 2 hear from u soon OK see TTFN.

#3: Dear Camille and Todd, It is a blessing to know you are there for those of us affected by the madness of crack. I wrote to you once last year and once again am feeling the pain crack cocaine brings so many people. I am 20 months into recovery from crack and alcohol. Life is still tough but not anywhere near as humiliating or degrading as it was when I was using. A man that I met in recovery and have had a 2 year relationship with has relapsed, again. It has been a whole new trip for me to know how to be there for him from a distance. He has lost everything but his life. I don't feel like going into all the horrible details at this time. I just want you all to know how comforting it is to have people out there who have felt the lonliness crack brings. Most people don't realize how really really hard it is to stop using. I pray hard every day for my man to get better. I pray for all addicts and hope maybe I can help someone today. Thanks again. Mary D. in Portland

#4: He's actually went through about $22,000 in the past two months. It simply boggles my mind. The $150.00 a day is what I am actually able to see. Being "only" his girlfriend, I don't have access to accounts or anything. During the entire month of May, he was only home 8 days - - and that was simply to rest up to go back out and use more.

#5: dear todd and camille, my name is crystal. i started smoking crack last year about this time. ALOT, IT SCARES ME to think about, ironicly when i stopped smoking it in january , things fell apart for me. most recently, my power was shut off a few weeks ago. i'm scared for my self and my two small children. we have no lights, heat or water. the power company would not let me make power arrangements where it was not my name on the bill. that person does not exsist. also, the power compant said i had i pay it regardless, because i told them she moved, and where i and my boyfriend both have power bills over due we wer responsible for paying them off as well, along with an 800 deposit upfront before they will hook it back up. we tryed really hard to pay the bill before it was disconnected but could only manage 100 dollars, but that was not enough. we called our mla for this town and he said the high power in the power company would be calling us, and we never got the call. my son starts school next year and my youngest just turned 1. we are trying so hard to mke a better life for our selves and the longer we stay away from crack , the more turmoil we run into. i dont know what to do i dont know where to go for help. i dont want to lose my children because we have no power and i dont know how to pay it off. i'm in trouble here and mazz from the uk told me you may be ablwe to help me, but not finacially. im past day 75 todd, and it seems to get harder and harder especially with these lifes lessons. is this my punishment? i stopped smoking it and i still lost everything.

#6: A'lo there, My name is Mehgan and I'm 16... I just wanted to start off by saying I am not a crackhead, and I have never touched nor personally even seen a pipe so I'm rather uneducated and I'm seeking direct information. You see... My older sister's bestfriend, Beth was just recently proposed to by her fiance, T-Bone ( I have -no idea- what his real name is ) and they have 2 children one girl who is about 2 years old and one newborn baby boy. Beth is a struggling Mother and she just recently found out that her Fiance was doing crack. The money is being used for such - the money she busts her ass for - and the bills are not being paid so it is my guess that T-Bone is addicted. I'm really interested in anything and everything you guys may tell me about crack like, Can it physically harm the children at birth? If T-Bone comes home high one night could he possibly be a threat to the children and his fiance, Beth? And is it best to just take Beth and the children from the home? ( She lives in GA and I in Florida ) I looked around your site but it was just hard to obtain the information so I thought it best to e-mail you both personally. I appreciate your time and anyway you can possibly help. Thank you.

I AM not afraid of crack. I AM not afraid to expose crack. I AM not afraid to hurt YOUR feelings. I AM not afraid to tell YOU the truth. I AM not afraid to shame myself to "attack crack". I AM not afraid of crack.

TOPIC: Why Should You Listen To Todd and Camille?

The whole purpose of tonight's show is to piss off crackheads and those who keep crack-alive by NOT doing what it takes to conquer crack! I truly feel some of you DO NOT know how to get REALLY pissed-off at crack! NOT angry or "mad" at someone or thing, but REALLY pissed-off at crackcocaine. So hopefully you can either get REALLY pissed-off at crack, or you could get REALLY pissed-off at me! Yeah let's try that. Get REALLY pissed-off at the crackconqueror and THEN turn that towards crackcocaine and attack crack!

WARNING: The names HAVE NOT been changed to protect the GUILTY!

1. Ask the Borher family how much we care about their crack-episodes. It took a lot of communication, understanding and most of all trust in Camille and Todd. In no way did they understand what we were saying to do at first. With trust and actions based on that trust, their situation at this writing has hope. A LOT OF HOPE. The situation is still in process and hopefully it will bring freedom for their son.

2. You could call or email Karen and ask her how much care and concern we have towards her situation and what crack brought to her life AND how she now attacks crack! At first she just simply did not know how POWERFUL this stuff called crack was. Oh she knows how horrible it was BUT not how to "attack crack"! She does now because she trusts and listens to our suggestions and if she does not do it exactly how we do in fact suggest, just by having faith and trust in our ministry she finds a way to attack crack. See if you trust and have faith that Camille and myself are being directed by God to glorify HIS name through attacking crack, ALL crackheads would find freedom. WE DO NOT CHOOSE HOW GOD WANTS US TO RAISE HIM ABOVE ALL! Attacking crackcocaine is how we have been given that task!

3. Dave you never did give up the money long term. A crackhead cannot find TRUE freedom when money is ALWAYS accessible. In some situations some money is OK to use when that is the ONLY way to function in a day for that exact situation, BUT no money no crack. Dave you stated to carry a cell phone SOON after you stated the program. WAY TOO EARLY! Maybe you should hire someone to run your business and Judy controls ALL the money and you have NONE, BUT all the bills are paid, business is good, life is boring BUT you have your freedom from crack. Dave what your heart desires is what you will find. I have a feeling you LOVE the lifestyle surrounding crackcocaine. Stop having to be the big man on campus. If you desire freedom from crackcocaine THAT is what you WILL find. If you desire crackcocaine, heroin, danger, fear, the lies and deceit and ALL that crack-crap, then go chase that and divorce Judy, give up the business and disappear into crackhell through the crackabyss and have a nice cracklife and hopefully you can die while being high on crack so the enemy can own your soul forever. That is what you will get. Dave really think about it and hey get REALLY pissed-off at me and then turn it on crack forever. Try it or I am afraid we are going to loose Dave as we know him mentally and we could possibly loose Dave as we know him physically! Such a waste of such a great guy!

4. Shannon you NEVER gave up any money and have had access to money anytime you have wanted it and have used it so EASILY when you get the crack-bite. How in the hell do you ever expect to conquer crack when money is there for you whenever you FEEL like or CANNOT help it when you smoke crack! Look in the mirror and TELL me what you see. Your sister smokes crack on an hourly basis, brings it to your face, is pregnant while smoking crack, "What you say she only smoked a "little" while pregnant so that could NOT be the reason her baby died"! WE are to believe 2 active crackheads that a pregnant crackhead only smoked a "little" crack during her pregnancy? And when her baby was born and died and THE DOCTORS said it was NOT crackcocaine? Who is lying here? Certainly NOT 2 or 3 active crackheads. No they would never lie! NEVER! Anyway doctors know way more than Todd. They have ALL smoked crack right? Or is this one of those "clinical" "textbook" ways of dealing with crackcocaine. Hey if the Dr. said so IT MUST BE the way it is. The crack-lies continue. "As The Crack Turns" daily at noon on channel 1. As a little extra comment, "In no way can continued crackcocaine smoking during a few years and in the amount of a "lot", could EVER cause permanent headaches, NEVER"! So when a Dr. prescribes a medication (for your headaches) that will INSTANTLY kill you if you happen to smoke crackcocaine is the way for you to quit forever, hurry up and get some headaches and run NOT WALK to your Dr. and get some of THAT medicine. And oh yeah, you can smoke just a "little" crack while pregnant and it will NOT kill your newborn or still born baby because a Dr. who looked it up on page 33 said it won't. Of course this is from a Dr. who does not smoke crack or does? Would this be like asking a guitar player how to play a D chord, they show you and then another guitar player says you cannot EVER play a D chord like that unless there is a picture showing the ONLY way to play a D chord? No it is not like that! Crackcocaine lies and causes death ALL the time, except in Houston!

5. John I think it was a little too late to save the relationship. So much time and energy was spent on "crackcocaine" that your relationship with Amber suffered from that. It does NOT help when you beat her ass too! This would have MANY a good women leaving and I suspect she said I have had enough and there MUST be a better situation out there for me. There she goes. Now what is ahead for you John? My suggestion is to continue to NOT smoke crack and get your freedom forever so the NEXT woman in your life does NOT have to have ANYTHING to do with crackcocaine. Just a suggestion. An extra suggestion: Be careful who you hang out with, you might become who and what they are. If gambling is a desire for you, trust me when I say this, the crack-demon will just get a hold of his cousin and give him your name so he can be ready to destroy your life through that means, oh you say no one in YOUR life has that issue, hhmmm? Take another look around yourself John. The enemy LOVES to BLIND us. Look what he did to Amber and you! Be careful John.

6. Barry you went drinking after I told you NOT to do anything. You said aw alcohol is no big deal. It that no big deal like your silly "worship" wanna-be anything or anybody but God and HIS son Jesus? BARRY, we talked and you know you should NEVER drink! NEVER! Of course if you like jail then you and booze make a GREAT team! Of all people I have talked to I am so disappointed in your foolish behavior especially since I KNOW how smart you are and how POWERFUL you COULD be in attacking crack. BUT you insist on being the "man" and pretending to be more than who you need to be. You said life is so boring! Is that more or less than jail? Is that with or without crack? I am confused. You said you love Sovia yet you love crack too. You are infatuated with alcohol and worship false beliefs. Now you are in jail. Which is better, jail or a boring life filled with love and truth and faith and trust! The only area I feel concerned about is these take work and once you have freedom then you have to maintain life as it comes to you and know in faith that God WILL bring peace to your heart. Well it is easier to follow empty promises and false hopes. They take absolutely no effort. Pick 1 and do it Barry and quit being a stupid crackhead who drinks himself to jail. DUH?!

7. Rick's mom simply said, "I just left my purse out for 5 minutes"! Duh lady. I cannot believe it took Rick THAT long to take the $20. Then after that everyone was so SHOCKED at what happened. This still did not help. This family is so deep in the river in Egypt, they are changing there citizenship soon! This is an OVER prescribed Dr.'s dream. The pharmaceutical companies LOVE families like this. When I mentioned this they just shut down. I am NOT saying medications are not needed in SOME situations and for awhile getting back on track and sometimes forever (not many) BUT the amount of "other" prescribed drugs in this family, WOW! HUGE! BUT until the crack IS gone, the other issues WILL not get resolved. Crack does not and will not share. I get so frustrated when Dr's just prescribe. Here TAKE this, you will be FINE! F - FEELING, I - INSECURE, N - NEUROTIC and E - EMOTIONAL. Just WHAT the Dr. ordered!

8. Shannon before you ran across the freeway to get high, you told me NAW I am not itching to get high. I just need to get things straight with this person (crack-whore) before I quit. Yeah right. You manipulated it so Crystal turned off on the exit so you COULD do just that, RUN to your true LOVE, Crackcocaine! This was after she bailed you out of jail (against our suggestions) and you promised to go to her house. You did not even come close to home. Now you are locked up and I wonder how you feel about smoking crackcocaine and getting "things" straightened out with your crack-whore? Was it worth it? I cannot believe you choose crack and crackbitch OVER Crystal! It is so unbelievable! OOOPS! I forgot we are talking about crackcocaine here! My fault I am sorry!

9. William you are just a STUPID PUNK CRACKHEAD! That is it. Plain and simple. You have NOT worked ANY of our program, period. You lie. You try and control. You lie. You try and fool me. You lie. You try and keep the truth from reaching you. You lie. You try and make Camille and me out to be wrong. You lie. You blame your crackhead life on everyone BUT yourself. You lie. You try and act like you are tough and NOT afraid. You lie. You act like you are some great Dad. You lie. You pretend to be a husband. You lie. You think you got it going on. You lie. You are close to dying from crackcocaine. You lie. William you are a STUPID PUNK CRACKHEAD that LIES! But that is what STUPID PUNK CRACKHEADS do. Hey William, tell you what, blame it all on me. It is MY (Todd Wm. Gibson's) fault you smoke crack. At least it is my fault you continue to smoke crack. Was I at fault for you smoking the first time? Oh it was someone else? Phew! I thought it was ALL my fault. I am glad to know it was only my fault for your continued crackhell. What a relief!

10. Jerry you are NOT the man anymore. You blew it on crack. Wake up. Or you could go back to the neighborhood where they ALL love and cherish you and get you crack. Oh you say it is to hang out and play ball? That in the neighborhood they respect you. Hmmm? Is it because you still have money to buy crack so you can be da' man! If you screwed up your professional basketball career from crack, then like duh what is wrong with you? Oh yeah you got to be da' man, I forgot. Well Jerry, you is da' man, the crackman!

11. John in NY. You got caught so you exposed the expense check that was funding crackworld. It was because you got caught NOT because you desired freedom. Crack-lies. We suggested you change jobs. You said you could not afford to do that. Well the money you spend on crack does not justify a lower paying job and being crackfree so money DOES NOT go to crack? Do the CrackMath John. A job that had money going to crack and therefore bills get behind and we decided to move and NOT change jobs because it would pay less, hmm wait let's see: Job money to crack, new job less money but no money to crack, hmmm? Borderline stupid crackhead.

12. Kim's husband JEFF in Houston. Hey Jeff you the big man responsible for ALL the cocaine coming into Houston. What a guy! Why in the world would you ever want to stop crack. You would not have any power then. Kim I think it is wasting your time trying to help your husband. He wants to have that TITLE and life. He told me if he stops using crackcocaine "they" will kill him. Hmmm? What is that? Crackcocaine will kill him too! He must choose between the 2. To try and get me into the "story" that he is Mr. Cocaine SR. and that IF he stops using he will get killed by the mafia. What? The Cocaine Mafia? What the hell is that? The Cartel? In Houston? So not one person involved in cocaine can stop because they will die by way of getting killed? So let's just give up right now. No hope. All is done. Jeff has spoken and there is no way to stop crackcocaine. Sorry folks. Crack is going to get Jeff, but not us! Jeff you are a sorry excuse of a man. That you are not. Maybe a crackboy but certainly not a man. Have a nice cracklife Jeff. Sorry Kim.

13. Bryan in Florida you had no business going off on your Dad. Just because he called you a crackhead? You are a crackhead! Hey CrackBryan you are acting stupid. Are you trying to get on my stupid crackhead page? Keep acting like you did and you will end up a stupid crackhead in "jail"! I realize you are reaching out NOW and that is great, but I suspect your going to struggle with this simply from your arrogant attitude that I have seen in just the short time we have had contact. You say your life is falling; well that is what happens when we smoke crackcocaine. It will not just be "normal" from stopping. It is a process that takes awhile. It WILL NOT happen JUST because you now admit you have a problem. It is a process. Are you ready for the fight of your life? Somehow I feel you feel this should just happen and hey I am not smoking crack right now, why is everyone STILL on my case? Well Bryan I am not sure you are ready for a fight. I think you expect life to just click in place. Reality of smoking crack is it takes awhile to correct the crack-crap once it catches up to us and takes a chunk out of our sorry crackass! Bryan do our program. Start RIGHT NOW! Not after the NEXT episode!

Why Should You Listen To Todd and Camille?

I don't know.

Maybe they know HOW to conquer crackcocaine.

Why Should You Listen To Todd and Camille?

I don't know.

Get REALLY pissed-off at Todd. Go ahead! I mean so pissed-off that you want to slap him. So pissed-off you never want anything to do with him and Camille. So pissed-off you turn that towards crackcocaine and conquer crackcocaine forever! That IS all that matters. Stopping the madness of smoking crackcocaine.

Why Should You Listen To Todd and Camille?

I don't know.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Chapter 6 Guitar Dreams

How much joy can I express in printed words that describe the ultimate high in life…to play music that moves the soul and spirit; a life long dream since I was 6 years old. I have had vivid dreams of recording a record or an album (a CD nowadays). The year of 2002 was the year a life long dream was fulfilled. I recorded a CD in my new basement on my home computer recording studio that I am very proud of. The melodies are soothing harmonic melodies. Some originated from right in the midst of the crack cocaine despair and hoping to find some peace. Then some emotions from other events surfaced through the guitar while I was messing around and my door to serenity was wide open and I was running through it this time.
When I was 5 years old I saw a guitar in the window of a store called D & C- 5 & 10 store. It costs $4.95. I went home and soon earned the money. My mother brought me to buy it and that was the start. She bought a book that had some pictures of chords and exercises and she showed me how to pluck the top string with a pick and strum down on the rest…pluck-strum strum, it was a C chord or at the time sort of a C chord. I liked it and was on my way to playing guitar. I had lessons and played in a lot of places in life by the time I was 13.
At the age of 29 I smoked crack cocaine. Playing guitar was not on life’s list anymore. I pawned my one prize possession in life…my 1958 double cut away Sunburst finish with circle fret marks Gibson ES-330 or 335, I am not positive which number exactly, but it was a dream guitar bought by my parents for my 11th birthday from just a guy going to Vietnam and was so sad to sell it. They bought it for $150. I pawned it for the last time for $75, to smoke crack, and I never was able to get it back. I have nightmares about this. It is a deep regret of mine as far as a thing I wished I really had now that I have actually done a CD. I still cry over this one. Life’s irony. The thought of not having my guitar and the reason why, keeps me humble. Just another bad crack memory.
In 1983 I had 7 guitars and stuff. From 1985 through 1997 I did not have 1 guitar or even think of playing or even wanted to. Looking back, it is clear that during this time my soul and spirit were empty, very empty.
In my last confined facility, (a work release program) ironically a guitar showed up. I brought in some new strings that had just been given to me by a guy that bought a hot-tub at the factory I worked at just out of the blue…ironically these are the ONLY strings I can use on this guitar. Every Saturday in the pool room I would get to play uninterrupted or hassled for about hour and a half. This lasted about 10 months. The last 3 months there, the guitar was locked up because some moron did something to ruin what was a decent thing. I was very eager to get a guitar now that I got a taste of playing again.
While in this facility I would play some blues and some classical pieces, and try and get some peace from playing. A tiny little seed was planted then, to again pursue playing the guitar. It was a magnet. Truly a healthy obsession. It was a direction that I put my time into this time. Grew up and decided to do something with my life and feelings. I let it go to God as I have heard said so many times from so many people in so many different ways, its head spinning. I just sat down and said, “God, if playing guitar is my door to serenity, please I want to go through it. Play through me. Help me find a way to express my new found freedom and share it and most of all keep it.”
Some of my new inspiration came from my long time hero of guitar playing-Phil Keaggy. At a local concert/clinic (with a ticket given to me by my wife for my birthday present) he shared some tips on how he went about playing. One thing he said was to go and tune your guitar to how it sounds good to you and let the guitar and the tuning take over, let it guide you. I did the minute I walked in the door and tuned my guitar to some really different sounds and just went for it. Some cool stuff started to happen.
My life had gotten to a point where I had some solid clean time playing my guitar. I would practice late at night and into the early hours of morning while my daughter and now pregnant wife slept. All together I would say I played on average 20-25 hours a week for 18 months. A whole lot better than being in the madness. This was a time for my soul and spirit to solidify their position in my physical existence. Finally true serenity. Another prayer answered. Today when I play guitar I feel complete serenity. A oneness. Complete. Ten feet tall and bazooka proof. Relaxing……Amazing.
When I was right in the middle of despair and sitting on the fifth floor in the facility I have mentioned before, with tears in my eyes, praying for some relief and then to start playing the song “I’m Sorry”. I felt I now had a way to communicate without speaking. By now my words were worthless anyway, along with all the broken promises. To say I’m sorry was pointless, but playing it felt like a start back to reality. Unfortunately it was just that, a start.
I do a lot of “Looking Back” and it does help me stay focused on the right now, especially when the bad crack memories push their way to the front of all thoughts and then I have to quickly move them to the here and right now thoughts as to how is my life right now. Otherwise they occupy too much space in my head…again the psychological pull of crack cocaine is the monster we are talking about.