Friday, February 04, 2005

How It Is Without CrackCocaine In My Life

How it is; is nice, very nice, incredibly nice, and phenomenally nice. Life without crack cocaine is life. Outside of death, which is a weird event in itself, nothing could spin me away from the truth I know about crack cocaine. Kind of the same no kidding when one finally gets the God concept! You mean there is a God? No kidding! There is only one. We cannot serve two God’s, so crack’s gotta go. Simple as that.
How it is; is scary and terrifying. Especially since 911. Scary in the evil sense. Terrifying in the you never know sense.
How it is; is I believe even more now that crack cocaine is the devil’s candy. Nothing else has ever worked for me to resist this stuff. As long as it works to resist is all that matters.
How it is; is now I have a wonderful family. I have three beautiful daughters, ages 9,3,and 2. I am happily married to a woman who if she could put up with all that came at her and still want me…there is a God just based on that. I live in a beautiful home in a nice quiet neighborhood and now have healthy financial responsibilities along with being in shock from how good life is now. I just have to keep thinking about all the money spent to smoke crack cocaine...all the money spent…all the money spent…all the money spent…
How it is; is I have been free from crack cocaine for several years. I still work a program. It is my program for me and it works and that is all that matters. I do not go out and party, I do not do much else but go to work about 8½ to 9 hours a day, come home, settle the kids down and get some fun in, eat dinner and do the evening duties and routines that have been established by our family. This works for me. It is only part of my program because “my program” changes to life’s needs, whatever those are at the time of need.
There does come a time when crack cocaine does not dominate your entire mind. It could take some time to get there. It still trickles in little pitiful almost thoughts to try and trip you up, and probably always will. He never knows when he might get one again, but not me.
Just thinking of all the wasted time on smoking crack cocaine is staggering. Now I get the most out of the time a day gives. Today I am not rushed to get more and more and more of anything, especially crack cocaine. Having a new peaceful heart allows me the good fortune of not doing the crack cocaine spin. I am able to keep my balance. Looking back it is hard to come up with why crack cocaine had such a hold on me, except that it is the devil’s candy.
I did not run to alcohol or other drugs to compensate for the loss of crack cocaine. There is no other substance that gripped me like crack cocaine did. In other scenarios where someone should not either drink or maybe do prescription drugs or any other drug is an individual situation. Not all people who fall victim to crack cocaine are alcoholics or addicts. This fact goes completely the opposite direction of the addiction disease treatment plans. A lot of crack-heads are other heads of something…so to say it is just a possession for them is probably one or two steps away from being reality to them in their lives. In some cases or maybe most concerning certain other mood altering substances, zero usage is the way. Most will have to find out for themselves. I will never agree to someone going clean and slurping down just a 6-pack every night, soon to be just a few more…
Now that my life is activated, my wife and myself (had a social life before our last 2 children) have fun. Sometimes we toast with wine, and sometimes we pop a cold one. Most of the time we do neither. We believe in the sanctity of our marriage. We sit out on the deck in our cool back yard and enjoy cooking burgers on the grill while the girls share turns jumping on the trampoline that has a cannot fall through surround attached to it, like a huge play-pen.
When life is about truth, honesty and faith, is when it gets real peaceful. Inwardly peaceful. The outside worldly stuff keeps its usual pace. Family. That one word is what life is all about, in any kingdom. My family, your family, their family, God’s family. All levels. I guess this is the one crack-crap thing that is to me the first clear warning sign that something is definitely wrong. When the family structure decays from crack cocaine, this is the casting of the crew. You are being picked for a performance. By destroying the family, our strength and structure are seriously diminished. This allows the candy to appear so sweet. The instant wow this is so intensely good……and the race is now on. How it is…great.