I sat down after Christmas Day and wrote this to my son.
Everyone in the family wants you to know we are here if you need us. This is not just your problem, it is our problem together. We are all experiencing 'the crack crap' as well as the emotional and mental dysfunction it causes.
We do not know everything but we know enough. We do not have the answer or answers. We will constantly seek for them or it. We stumble and falter and briefly give up. But we get back up and begin again.
Our support may seem meaningless to you especially as we travel further along in this and try and choose the support in areas we have learned is not helpful to you. Our support will have to come in your faith that it is there, and it does mean something.
We have made mistakes collectively and individually. We believe in the successes not the failures. Divine intervention needs its place, not just when all else fails, but to believe that there is an answer.
I felt very much alone writing this. I needed to write it. I knew the family in their hearts did feel this way, but had really given up on him. Why then could not I?
I also found George Medzerian' s book. It opened a door inside me that would allow me to continue being a partner in my son's fight with crackcocaine. It gave me a role and function, which made sense. A way I could live with his crack-crap. The new point of view allowed this.
George Medzerian is an adjunct professor at the University of West Florida.