Friday, December 28, 2007


I remember driving to meet Todd. I remember it because I was rehearsing for the entire evening. How I would to talk and walk. How I would control my words and stay cool, not break a sweat. Most of all, how I would appear exciting but not excited.
We met at a local downtown Grand Rapids bar. As I walked through the door I tried not to hyperventilate, I spotted Todd right away. The first thing came to my mind was oh my gosh!...he is so tiny. How in the world am I going to get out of this? I shook his hand (tightly so that he knew I wouldn't put up with any crap). Then he asked me what I wanted to drink. I told him “Bud Lite”. He predicted I would change my taste for it now that I met him. As he stood at the bar paying for our drinks, I did notice his nicely shaped butt … (sorry could not help myself had to put that in).

Friday, December 21, 2007

The Last Page

Is there one simple cure or program? At the moment no. Maybe there never will be. Crackheads are complicated substance abusers. We are people, mostly women with some primitive instincts, which can force us into a heart-mode separating artistically every single aspect of life not related to a problem we insist on solving with the shear, will of just our heart. My daughter said I helped. So- it was GOD, he says! He is not denying all the other things but…Todd said he was so terrified of the feeling, the overwhelming lure of that future moment he was sure no matter how many sponsors or books or meetings or memorizing of triggers or help of any kind-he could not resist.

It was a lot of things, least of all the right time. Time to collect-time to understand-time to hurt too much-but what I wanted above all………

Todd's miracle was a package deal. He did try to help himself and we learned how to help him; many people including a society of people, the counselors bravely walking through wilderness with no road map for crackheads. Pat at Bail Bonds Dept., whose last name I never knew, came into our lives so briefly yet was part of this miracle. I would not want to take one card form the house of cards for fear it would all tumble down. It is hard for me to separate any one part of all the things that helped Todd, and say this is the one that really did it. He traveled a long road with many people to even get miracle status. Perhaps he needed to. But for Todd, after collecting all he had collected on his journey, and taking this journey with all the people he did, his terror of the desire was the greatest obstacle and only GOD could remove that. And HE did.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Pissy People

Sometimes crack causes pissyness.

Years had passed since the phone call to me in Nashville and his crack crap was suddenly thrown at me, before the crack-crap had spread out to include more than him and us.

I suppose he got tired. He had tried keeping a fabulous job and life together with crack. He had tried a cry for help to us, and we could not find the help from experts he needed. He had tried giving up, giving into it, living in squalor at the bottom of life, with crack, and could not do it. He had tried keeping a half of a life together with crack, and some petty employee crime. What was left?

It turned out that Todd was right. He did not need the money I was keeping from him to do crack. The detectives and police and business owners started to show up at my door, and call on my telephone about six months into his retail sales job. Todd had written several bad checks over the last year. Most were under $100. It was difficult to know if this was during an off time, on time, good time, and bad time or in between time because his life was so cluttered with all of the crack-crap.

By then he was into just shrugging, frantically wondering if he was going to jail. He would smile in and at all the right times and right places. There was just a hopeless exhaustion and had reached a point in his life where he just shrugged and said this is my life as it were.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Crack Sucks

The journeys that crack took me on, ended up being many blessings. It exposed me to the evil side of life. It is there that I found and ate and loved the “Devil’s Candy”. This hideous stuff could be nothing but evil.
The insanity of smoking crack and doing nothing else but smoking crack every awake moment of everyday is maddening. I had a relentless desire to smoke crack at any and all expense. I did this no matter what, no matter who, no matter how, no matter why, no matter when, no matter where, no matter…it was truly a horrible passion.

When I finally looked at crack-cocaine as an actual force, I concluded that this is by far more than just substance abuse or addiction. This is when I was finally able to fight the tremendous pull crack-cocaine has on one’s soul and spirit.

The question becomes, “Why do crack?”, if this is what happens and the consequences that follow.

Standard treatment does not address the extreme possession that occurs during crack use. To say we need to treat crack like all other ‘drugs’ could be a mistake. The Devil’s candy does take you over. It possesses you and completely destroys your soul and spirit. If you ask a crack-head if and when they ever decided to try and quit and they might have said, “I am never going to smoke crack again!” What happens? The temptations come at you faster and harder. The urges and triggers jump at you to the point where you start entertaining thoughts of the “Devil’s Candy” again and now you are off to the races again. At times believe it or not it seems easier to keep smoking crack than to quit and deal with the onslaught of the most intense spiritual battle one could ever imagine. Getting past that is no different than making any commitment to GOD and getting the ‘fallen angel’ gunning for you constantly. For years I battled over this.


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

There is no enabling with crack!

Some would consider this enabling. This is a word that became part of my vocabulary three months after I was assaulted with Todd's crack-crap. This I feel is because they do not understand anything about crackheads. They think it is the same as alcoholism. It's not. They both are devastating substances, but that is the only thing they have in common. Overeating can be devastating, yet no one has suggested that we send crackheads to weight watchers as another quick fix for society's mounting endangerment from crack cocaine. There is a very fine line as to this being enabling. One can only follow their heart. Each case is different. There are no experts regarding crackheads. There are no rules written in stone. Not yet, anyway.

I never did give him money. Some in the family did at first, but not later. We all believed there were easy answers. I did not bail him out of jail after the first time. I did not, nor did anyone buy him necessities of life. What little he had came at gift times. However, I must confess, we all over gave to him. And each gift was drenched with tears for a love we had so little opportunity to express.

And it went on for years. Would he make it this time? Next time? He was always with us at holidays. On those brief occasions we all put out of our minds that he was a crack-head. Still, he was Todd. He was OK. He was a human being, there but for the grace of GOD, go I, Todd, son, brother, grandchild, brother in-law, uncle. He was OK, even when he filled the room with his pain.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Crack-Bite

When you are fully contaminated and in the midst of despair, anything or just something could help. Doing nothing won’t. Because it is so spiritually binding, I know it becomes a spiritual battle.

Even though you do not have to use, sometimes it seems like you do have to use…to stop the onslaught of this overpowering pull to smoke crack. It never lets up. It picks at all parts of your inner being. It is so quick and fast and sneaky before you know it, here it is again. The process has to be slowed down in order to have a chance to microscopically penetrate even a slight pin-prick of the evil crack stench bubble. If one’s confession to being a crack-head is completely revealing, including places (as in plural) where they buy crack, where they smoke crack and who they smoke it with or where they smoke it by themselves. By doing this it exposes all the places and people and all the lies. It won’t be an end all to end all, but it does mess up their pattern, and by doing so you might get an ever so small chance to plant a seed or another seed if you have already done so. Every crack-head has a smoking pattern. It starts way before the crackling sound fills the bubble and starts the journey to Crackville, USA.

Feeling possessed by the crack-bite is the loneliest, darkest, sickest, most ugly gnawing and truly captivating all consuming demonic place to be.

Yup...that is it!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Crack and Jail...same thing!

The Steeple Outside My Window

The last clang,
of the door at night
I hate. Sounds dead.
Another day…wondering…
Not looking out my tiny sliver window.
Scripture seeking
for truth and peace.
Always with a lite.
Another kind of ‘light’ please.
Thankful for food,
although little I eat.
Thirsty for words,
that will heal me deep.
Twenty days?
Longer it seems…
So unaware of life’s continual pace.
about my plight.
Crawling. Stumbling.
Can not find the light.
Numb to oblivion.
Close ones I miss…
Mom, family, my sweet lover!
Then one day…
Some relief.
Looking out my tiny sliver window
all I could see
was a steeple for CHRIST.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

78 Million Seconds? Are you kidding?!

Our program contains a spiritually supported detoxification format for the process of de-contaminating your body, soul and spirit from the possession of crack cocaine.

It is not in any religion that an answer can be found. Answers start to formulate when we develop a relationship with printed words of powerful healing truths. Scriptures are where they can be found.

Smoking crack cocaine will devour everything and everybody that is willing to let it. Crack cocaine holds no boundaries. It does not care about your age, your race, or your status and could care less as to what you do and how you live.

Giving in to the urges to smoke crack cocaine is such a vicious cycle controlled by a power that wants nothing more than to possess and destroy all life, even if by flying planes filled with people into buildings filled with more people.

Where do you start with such a horrible insidious substance? How can I possibly just say words on how to end your madness with crack cocaine and expect that to just happen? Because of the harsh reality of what a stupid punk crackhead I had become, gives me the ability to do just that, give you words to attack crack so you too can conquer crack cocaine and be free forever just like I am. With crack, ya know when ya know.


Saturday, December 08, 2007

Crack Cocaine Got My Prize Guitar

How much joy can I express in printed words that describe the ultimate high in life…to play music that moves the soul and spirit; a life long dream since I was 6 years old.

I had some emotions from other events surface through the guitar while I was messing around and my door to serenity was wide open and I was running through it this time.

At the age of 29 I smoked crack. Playing guitar was not on life’s list anymore. I pawned my one prize possession in life…my 1958 double cut away Sunburst finish with circle fret marks Gibson ES-330 or 335, I am not positive which number exactly, but it was a dream guitar bought by my parents for my 11th birthday from just a guy going to Vietnam and was so sad to sell it. They bought it for $150. I pawned it for the last time for $75, to smoke crack, and I never was able to get it back.

In 1983 I had 7 guitars and stuff. From 1985 through 1997 I did not have 1 guitar or even think of playing or even wanted to. Looking back, it is clear that during this time my soul and spirit were empty, very empty.

It is amazing to me now, that person that I used to be. I am so thankful that I have an opportunity to share what has been given to me. I am very blessed to be alive and able to extend myself through my truths, experiences and my guitar to reach out and bring the truth about crack cocaine to "all the still suffering crackheads" :)

Friday, December 07, 2007

13 Quips to Destroy Crack With

Everyday Book Quips

1. Dear God, please help me be the person that my dog thinks I am.
2. Happiness is a choice.
3. Honesty is essential for recovery.
4. If it don't apply let it fly.
5. To fail to cry is to fail to live.
6. Anger alerts us to the fact that something is not right.
7. The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
8. Those who forget their past are doomed to relive it.
9. The best way to replace a bad habit is to replace it with a good one.
10. Choose your companions with care; you may become what they are.
11. Suffering is defined as, 'anything about which one says, Oh No!
12. One form of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results.
13. Worrying is paying interest on troubles that may never come due.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

What Does Camille Say?

Understand that crack cocaine is the Devils Candy
If you want power over crack cocaine you must expose all the crack cocaine lies
Be honest with everyone and in everything you do
Show actions not words
Understand that when your family is nagging, crack cocaine is attacking them and to answer all nagging with a good attitude
Understand Crack cocaine’s purpose is to kill you and destroy all those who care about you
Commit to 6 months of not touching any money for any reason
Commit to not handling money issues for 2 years after the 6 months of not touching money
Except help and understand you can not fight crack cocaine on your own. It takes a team of those willing to follow your program. If they are not willing to participate 100% they can not be apart of your life for now.
Understand when your family hides their money and things of value that it is NOT because of YOU but because they do not trust crack cocaine and do not want crack cocaine to torture you with the urges. Your job is to protect your family from crack. Crack cocaine is very jealous of what you have. It wants your family members, its wants all your money and all of your families money, it wants your TV, it wants your VCR, stereo, CD’s and anything of value you own. It wants to destroy those who care about you, their spirit, their self worth, their joy, their happiness; it wants to suffocate your kids or future kids. It wants your life!
Get our quit crack 75 Day Program and do it! It works when you work it.
Listen to all past radio shows. There are well over 30 hours of audio rebroadcast radio programs. Read everything in our websites.
Do 30 shows in 30 days!