Friday, December 21, 2007

The Last Page

Is there one simple cure or program? At the moment no. Maybe there never will be. Crackheads are complicated substance abusers. We are people, mostly women with some primitive instincts, which can force us into a heart-mode separating artistically every single aspect of life not related to a problem we insist on solving with the shear, will of just our heart. My daughter said I helped. So- it was GOD, he says! He is not denying all the other things but…Todd said he was so terrified of the feeling, the overwhelming lure of that future moment he was sure no matter how many sponsors or books or meetings or memorizing of triggers or help of any kind-he could not resist.

It was a lot of things, least of all the right time. Time to collect-time to understand-time to hurt too much-but what I wanted above all………

Todd's miracle was a package deal. He did try to help himself and we learned how to help him; many people including a society of people, the counselors bravely walking through wilderness with no road map for crackheads. Pat at Bail Bonds Dept., whose last name I never knew, came into our lives so briefly yet was part of this miracle. I would not want to take one card form the house of cards for fear it would all tumble down. It is hard for me to separate any one part of all the things that helped Todd, and say this is the one that really did it. He traveled a long road with many people to even get miracle status. Perhaps he needed to. But for Todd, after collecting all he had collected on his journey, and taking this journey with all the people he did, his terror of the desire was the greatest obstacle and only GOD could remove that. And HE did.